


Heal Me, Free Me

by day



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, emotionally constipated kageyama tobio, this got heavy fast im sorry
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-10-13
Updated: 2015-10-18
Packaged: 2018-04-26 04:52:54
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,614
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4990990
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/day/pseuds/day
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>There’s something wrong with Hinata. Kageyama can’t place a finger on it and he has no evidence, but he knows something isn’t right. He feels it deep in his bones, a nagging sensation that flares to life every time he sees the red head smile.</p>
<p>--</p>
<p>Kageyama's mark is covered with scar tissue. He doesn't have a soulmate, not anymore. So why the hell is his body reacting to Hinata like they're newly bonded?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> i'm v intense about volleyball (i'm a former liberO AYYY)  
> i'm also intense about anime   
> so of fuckin course i lost my shit over volleyball anime and the stupid gay characters   
> smh i haven't written fic in months but i tried

There’s something wrong with Hinata. Kageyama can’t place a finger on it and he has no evidence, but he knows something isn’t right. He feels it deep in his bones, a nagging sensation that flares to life every time he sees the red head smile.

Kageyama would deny it if asked, but he’s well versed in everything involving Hinata Shouyou. Hinata’s his partner, a valuable and irreplaceable half to their odd ball duo, so of course Kageyama knows some stuff about him (this is the only reason, Kageyama tells himself). He knows enough that the smile gracing Hinata’s face is _off_. It looks the same- large and vibrant and verging on manic, but his eyes are a little too wide. Too jittery. Too unfocused. Too wrong.

“Hey, what’s wrong?” Suga asks, worry painted across his soft features. “You’re not focused.”

 _You shouldn’t be asking me that. You should be asking Hinata that. There’s something wrong there’s something wrong there’s something wron-_ “I’m fine.” Kageyama grunts, shaking his head slightly as if he could make the thoughts go away. He shouldn’t be this affected.

Kageyama isn’t good with anything and everything social. If it doesn’t involve volleyball, he kind of sucks at it, to say the least. He wishes he could ask Hinata what’s bothering him. He had tried earlier, in the form of “Oi, you’re being weird” and Hinata just paused, shrugged, said he was tired. Kageyama wishes he wasn’t so chicken shit. He wants to drag him out of the gym, force him to talk, force him to stop lying.

He snaps out of his thoughts to find Suga still standing there, a concerned expression on his face. “Are you sure-“

“Hinata.” Kageyama blurts. “There’s something wrong with him.”

“Huh?” Daichi approaches, drawn to Sugas side, as he lifts his shirt to wipe at the sweat forming on his brow. “What do you mean? He’s doing great- his plays are cleaner and he’s jumping higher than I’ve ever seen.”

“He- I-“ Kageyama trips over his words, flustered and frustrated. He can’t put it into words.

“He’s too intense.” And it’s Tsukishima, of all people, to speak up. “I tried to block him, but there’s nothing to read. I can’t predict him, and I know Hinata doesn’t have the skill to do it purposely.”

Kageyama swears that a split second of worry flashes across the blondes face and if Tsukishima is worried, than something is really wrong.

“We’ll watch him closely.” Daichi decides after a moment. “Let him finish his drills and then I’ll pull him off the court to talk to him.”

“Okay.” Kageyama nods, jogging over to Hinata to practice their quicks as the team splits into two to do a practice game.

“Took you long enough.” Hinata grunts as he catches his breath from blocking Tanaka’s attack. “I wanna spike.”

“Yeah.” Kageyama clears his throat. Yamaguchi serves from the other side of the court and Nishinoya set’s up a solid receive. Kageyama moves subconsciously and he can see Hinata running into position already. His leg muscles contract and Kageyama’s eyes widen, recalculating where to send the ball. He sets it high and see’s Hinata fly. But instead of the usual rush of pride he gets when watching his best friend soar, his heart drops. The ball is hit so hard that it connects with the wall on the opposite side of the room. The sheer power of the spike leaves a mark on the wall, and everyone knows that if it had been in, it wouldn't have been stopped, regardless of the height or strength of the blocker.

Hinata lands silently and wipes the sweat from his brow and it’s unnerving. His eyes are glazed over and there is none of his usual flustered apologies and sheepish laughter that comes after a botched attack. Now everyone notices, everyone knows. Somethings wrong with Hinata.

They wait in shocked silence, only their labored breathing as background noise. Hinata blinks and when he notices the team staring at him he clears his throat and laughs nervously. “Sorry! I hit too hard!”

Kageyama can’t take it. Now he has a reason to interfere. Now it’s about volleyball and he can grab Hinata’s wrist and drag him out of the gym without feeling his stomach flutter in nervousness.

“I’m sorry! You set up a perfect toss and I messed it up, but I’ll fix it there’s no need to-“

“What’s wrong?” Kageyama doesn’t know why he can only speak in a whisper. Doesn’t know why his voice catches in his throat and makes him stumble over his words. Doesn’t know why he’s so fucking affected, so fucking in tune, with his friends emotions.

“What?” Hinata shifts nervously, his eyes darting this way and that. “All I did was mess up an attack-“

“Stop lying.” Kageyama interrupts. (He was supposed to talk about volleyball, he tries to remind himself) “You’re lying.”

“I- what are you talking about, Kageyama? Now you’re the one being weird.” Hinata gives him a strange look and tries to head back into the gym but Kageyama latches onto his wrist without thinking.

Theres a tense moment of awkwardness where the two just stare at one another before Kageyama clears his throat and lets go. “Are you sure?”

“That you’re being weird? Yeah, pretty sure.” Hinata laughs before catching the look on Kageyama’s face. He sobers before speaking again, “I’m gonna be fine.”

Kageyama doesn’t have time to point out that that means something _is_ wrong because Hinata is dashing back to the gym, his enthusiasm back at full force. Kageyama’s worries don’t disappear, but rather settle down to something manageable.

Suga and Daichi pull Kageyama aside as he gets ready to go home. “You have a minute?”

Kageyama glances around for a glimpse of orange hair and nods when he concludes that Hinata is still getting dressed.

“Are you alright?” Daichi starts.

“Yeah, I was just. Hinata.” Kageyama says in explanation.

“Asahi is talking to him right now.” Suga nods before hesitantly speaking, “Your worry today was different. Different from normal worry, I mean. It seemed like it was more instinctual.”

Kageyama stares blankly.

“As in, it was fueled by something more than just friendship, maybe?” Suga tries again.

Kageyama blinks before he gets it. “Are you- what are you saying? That’s not possible-“

“You never know,” Daichi says, trying to placate Kageyama’s panic. “I didn’t think me and Suga were soulmates until it actually happened. You reacted to Hinata’s emotions even before there were signs that something was wrong. That's what it was like when I first bonded.”

“That’s not possible.” Kageyama repeats, shaking his head frantically. “He can’t be my soul mate-“

“He’s not that bad.” Suga smiles softly, “I feel like you two would work-“

“My soulmate is dead.” Kageyama blurts and stares at his feet, the guilt and pain flaring up. It’s a private thing, something he hates to discuss, but he forces himself to say it anyway. “I don’t have the mark anymore. It disappeared when I was in middle school.”

“Shit.” Daichi mutters and Suga launches into an apology. Kageyama just gives a tense smile before dismissing himself.

He walks home in a daze.

It can’t be possible.

He lifts up his shirt to stare at his hip, where the mark of his soulmate was once etched into his skin. It’s empty now, a scar in its place, and Kageyama’s heart lurches.

Even if there were such things as second chances, the possibility of another soulmate, Kageyama would never wish that fate on anyone. Especially Hinata.

Hinata is pure. Kageyama can’t bring himself to destroy that.

 Not like he did before.

 

 

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this got a lot angstier than i expected i'm sorry i didn't mean to

Kageyama hugs him. He fucking _hugs_ him and Kageyama can’t fucking believe himself but there’s no backing out now because his arms are still wrapped tensely around Hinata’s stiff form. It’s awkward for everyone involved.

Kageyama doesn’t even know what came over him- he’s not a hugger. At all. In fact, he usually shies away from physical contact. Yet here he is, arms wrapped uncomfortably around Hinata’s head because he had miscalculated how short Hinata actually was.

Hinata just looked so _frustrated_. His attacks weren’t as precise as he wanted them to be and after the 6th blocked spike he kind of just stared at the floor with such a non-Hinata expression that kageyama’s body moved on its own. He just wanted to take that expression off Hinata’s face, even if it meant that it would be exchanged for anger- he didn’t expect Hinata to just freeze completely. He was supposed to fight him off and shoot half hearted insults that would eventually lead to bickering. He hadn’t prepared for this and he really doesn’t know what to do next.

“Should… Should we intervene?” Takeda asks after a few tense moments. “I don’t think they’re breathing.”

Coach Ukai is at a loss for words, hand extended like he’s preparing to separate an all out brawl.

Tsukishima chucks a volleyball at them and it finally sets off a reaction. Kageyama mechanically releases his strangle hold (he’s never hugged before, he doesn’t know how tight he's supposed to hold on) and marches right out of the gym. Hinata still isn’t breathing and Nishinoya is poking him while sugawara goes to make sure kageyama hasn’t thrown himself in front of a car.

Kageyama is leaning against the wall, head ducked and breathing labored as if he just ran suicides. He can’t fucking believe it.

“Uh. Kageyama?” Sugawara approaches cautiously.

“What the fuck is happening to me?” Kageyama mutters, rubbing his hands viciously over his face in an attempt to wipe away the redness. “I can’t- he’s making it hard to focus. I hugged him, I can’t believe I just _hugged_ him, I’m losing it-”

Sugawara lets out a long breath, sitting down next to kageyama who had slid down the wall to place his head in between his knees.

“I know you said it’s not possible,” Suga starts carefully, giving kageyama a chance to stop him in his tracks, “but if you’re feeling physically drawn to him and his emotions are causing your own to go haywire…”

“He can’t.” And kageyama’s voice breaks. It fucking breaks and he can’t get a hold of his emotions. He doesn’t even know why he’s emotional, if the emotions are even his own, and he just can’t stand it. “You don’t understand- he can’t. I don’t deserve- it’s not even possible.”

“There have been reports of second soul mates, yknow. It’s rare, but it’s possible. The world is so large and the soul is so complex- it can be possible.” Sugawara rubs the back of his neck as he feels a spike in Daichi’s temper. He’s probably yelling at tanaka right now.

“It’s not possible.” Kageyama repeats as he stands. “I just haven’t gotten enough sleep. It’s making me act weird. I’m heading back in.”

Kageyama decides to just ignore it. There’s no way that Hinata is his soul mate- the other boy hasn’t even acknowedged it, and as far as Kageyama knows, the soulmate bond works both ways. He’s only like this because it’s Hinata. They’re friends. Best friends, probably. This is normal.

So he tries to pretend it’s normal. He ignores Tsukishima’s jibes and Daichi’s increasingly worried stare and Tanaka and Nishinoya’s questions. He goes straight to Hinata and says the first thing that comes to mind, “What the fuck is up with your spikes today, dumbass?”

-

In hindsight, he should have realized that ignoring it until it goes away isn’t a method that works for every situation. This situation in particular didn’t work at all. Kageyama literally could not ignore it because his body didn’t let him.

So now he’s standing in front of a silent Hinata, glaring down just as silently.

“I’m _fine_.” Hinata says animatedly, trying to jump up and away from Kageyama.. “Stop all this weird stuff- first you drag me off court, then you hug my head and now you’re stopping me from going to class so you can stare broodily at me without saying a word. Just let me be-”

“That’s not- don’t ask how I know this, but I do. You’re obviously not fine, Hinata. Something is wrong with you and I can’t figure it out, but it’s driving me crazy and I would really like to stop reacting to your emotions because I haven’t slept in 3 days and I’m about to pass out. Just- I don’t know. Tell me what’s wrong. Tell someone. So they can fix it or I can fix it, because I don’t think I can take another night of not sleeping.” Kageyama blurts.

“… reacting to my emotions?” Hinata asks slowly. “Like how _soulmates_ do?”

It takes a minute for Kageyama to find his words because Hinata says soulmates like someone would say cancer.

“That’s really fucking low of you.” Hinata hisses suddenly and Kageyama is so shocked by his tone of voice that he takes a physical step back as Hinata continues to speak, “I know that you’re kind of socially inept, but if this is your idea of a joke, I guess you really are an asshole. I can’t believe I thought we were friends.”

“What-” Kageyama is so confused and his brain is so clouded with the sudden onslaught of _somethings wrong you have to fix it you have to fix it right now_ that he can’t actually move at all from how overwhelming everything is.

By the time he gets his bearings back he’s 20 minutes late for class, Hinata is nowhere to be seen, and Kageyama decides to skip the last period of the day. He camps out in the club room while his body shakes with emotions that he’s not sure are his. Sugawara’s whole “Hinata might be your soulmate” theory is sounding less and less like a theory and it’s freaking Kageyama out because he’s never felt anything like this. _It wasn_ _’t like this with_ him _. Kageyama never felt him so strongly- even towards the end, it was nothing compared to this._ Kageyama curls up, hands at his lap, thumb pressing painfully into the scar at his hip as he tries to shut his brain off.

He doesn’t know how much time passes until the club room door opens. He keeps his eyes closed and huddles tighter into himself, hoping whoever it is will just ignore the Kageyama shaped lump in the corner.

“What’s with you?” And it’s Tsukishima, of course. “First Hinata, now you- you two really are a bunch of idiots-”

“Shut up.” Kageyama snaps, digging his thumb deeper into his hip until Tsukishima grabs his wrist and yanks so hard that Kageyama sprawls across the floor. “What the fuck-”

“What are you doing?” Tsukishima asks with an unreadable expression. His eyes are trained to Kageyama’s hand, the blood on the tip of his fingers, and Kageyama hadn’t even realized he'd accidentally broken skin.

Before he can answer, they hear Nishinoya and Tanaka approaching the door. Tsukishima yanks Kageyama’s wrist again, this time pulling him into a standing position before letting go and reaching into his locker and wordlessly tossing Kageyama a small first aid kit. “Clean yourself up.”

-

Practice carries on. Kageyama and Hinata don’t speak but their quicks are still immaculate. Everyone notices the tension but somehow know not to intervene this time.

Towards the end of practice, Kageyama accidentally bumps into Ennoshita, causing the cut on his hip to throb painfully. In his peripheral he sees Hinata slap a hand over his own hip with a bewildered expression on his face. Tsukishima looks between the two, making brief eye contact with Kageyama before turning away.

Shit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i finally did my paper only to realize after i turned it in that i didn't follow the instructions but w/e it's not like midterms are important amirite haha im so sad 
> 
> anyway i dONT KNO WHERE THE FLUFF WENT OR HOW THIS HAPPENED BUT ILL MAKE THM HAPPT SOON PROBABLY IM soRRY (also im sorry if hinata seems ooc but its only bc hes goin through thinGs&stuFF)
> 
> will prob update once or twice a week depending on how lazy i am bc i am an unreliable trashcan im sorry again

**Author's Note:**

> i'm still mapping out the plot but regular updates should start after midterms next week??  
> i wrote this instead of the 6 page paper thats due in 2 days that i havent started  
> i hate myself


End file.
